an early morning with a taste of malibu

I can feel the numbness on hands and legs after the consumption of malibu. Yes, that is what i need, at least I could numb for a moment and stop thinking of whatever shit that makes me unhappy, even just for a while. 

It's been almost 24 years I am living. But until now, unfortunately, I still couldnt master the art of selfishness in order to survive in this world full of sadness and disappointment. I am not sure if it's worth to care so much for people you love but hurt you so much, until one day, recently, I think I couldnt stand the disappointment anymore. My energy and time shouldnt be wasted on someone that who doesn't even understand your efforts in helping them. Sometimes I do not mean to be selfish, but when exhaustion master my body and mind, there is nothing much I could do.

It is sad to know that people care for someone else more rather than you. That is when you will feel so hopeless and you can even feel the sourness in deep down in your heart. So pathetic...

I mourn for my foolishness, I mourn for my mistakes... I am now in the midst of mastering the surviving skill in this world~selfishness... Wish me luck.