an early morning with a taste of malibu

I can feel the numbness on hands and legs after the consumption of malibu. Yes, that is what i need, at least I could numb for a moment and stop thinking of whatever shit that makes me unhappy, even just for a while. 

It's been almost 24 years I am living. But until now, unfortunately, I still couldnt master the art of selfishness in order to survive in this world full of sadness and disappointment. I am not sure if it's worth to care so much for people you love but hurt you so much, until one day, recently, I think I couldnt stand the disappointment anymore. My energy and time shouldnt be wasted on someone that who doesn't even understand your efforts in helping them. Sometimes I do not mean to be selfish, but when exhaustion master my body and mind, there is nothing much I could do.

It is sad to know that people care for someone else more rather than you. That is when you will feel so hopeless and you can even feel the sourness in deep down in your heart. So pathetic...

I mourn for my foolishness, I mourn for my mistakes... I am now in the midst of mastering the surviving skill in this world~selfishness... Wish me luck.

internship

I am stuck in a life where I feel like I am wasting my time instead of learning more useful skills and knowledge ~ Internship, or so-called Industrial Training.

Why do I said so?

First of all, for some employers, what is playing in their mind is we as the trainees wouldn't choose to stay in their company after completing our internship program, which leads limitations of skills and knowledge teaching as the employers think that it is only a waste of time for them. Some even keep the knowledge as to prevent trainees apply it to useful places at other companies.

Secondly, this is usually what most of the trainees complain about, the allowances that we gonna receive during the period of training. Just because government never come out with the rule by setting the lowest allowance a company should pay for the students, some companies only provide rm100 each month for the trainees. The worst part is, some government agencies do not even provide 1 cent of allowance for the students. So pathetic...

For me, the main reason why I kinda getting bored with intern life is because not much of challenging tasks been given by superior as this is what I am actually looking forward during my 5 months internship program. 

However, I truly know that opportunity is not given by others, but we are the one should grab the opportunity by ourselves. I am trying to grab as much knowledge and information as possible, and do the best out of me even just a small tiny task, because I do believe that every piece of information and knowledge has its usefulness in surviving in the working world.

diver in the making

Kinda sick of all the unpleasurable human being behaviors, the noise, the wars, rumours...that circulating on the land. 
Time to escape from the mean world, even just for a while. 
I want to dive deeper to find a peace of mind under the sea while enjoying the beauty of the underworld.

Separation

People comes, people goes.

They become part of your life without even realizing it until you feel you're in the state of unwillingness and sadness they cause you when they are leaving out of your life.

Too bad, that's the way of life, you must know how to deal with it, no exception.

It's been so long I didn't drop my tears, but tears were rolling down from my cheek when you said you probably leaving.

Dropping tears is a sign of weakness, especially in front of family and friends.

I am just way too weak in dealing with separation because fear is hunting me, this could be affected by experiences.

I started choose to not being too close with anyone because it hurts so much when your dearest telling you he/she is going to leave you.

Nobody can ask someone to stay just because he/she can't handle separation, it is such a selfish and childish action.

Everyone stand a right in chasing their own star, sailing in their own direction and choose their own road.

Even though it might be hard for me, but I will definitely support my close ones to leave me for their own good. They deserve something better than this, no doubt.

That is how I care and love my close ones. Doesn't matter if in the end left myself alone, because somehow I know I need to move forward and live my life to the fullest.

i need excitements and achievements

Every Monday to Saturday, my pinkish cellphone has a duty to play the Canon in D sharp 7am,which is a classical music played by Johann Pachelbel. However, 7am is not the time for me to wake up and get out from my bed. My wake up time is on 7.30am. During that half an hour, I am in half awake and half asleep condition, forgive me, I just wish I could stick to my bed even just for few more seconds...Wake up, get prepare then go downstairs...There he is, waving his tail and greeting me. How nice if he could speak and say "good morning" to me every morning. Don't you think it would be great if your dearest could greets you once you wake up in the morning? Just a simple greeting will make your day...=) 

Come home at 6pm which indicates that it's time to work as nanny, bring Girl and Hiro out for a walk, sometimes shower for them. Then dinner, movies and.....sleep.

Yea...that's my routine daily life after started my internship, no excitement but boredom. Kinda scary whenever i think of living a life like this until my retirement. Life is too short, I need excitements and achievements to spice up my life.

Used to think of stay at home after graduated, but somehow I changed my mind. The reasons? Could be due to privacy, career or some personal problems. Sorry mom, I am way too young to just hang in here...It's time to sail and stand on my own feet, try to explore as much things as possible. Anyhow, one thing for sure, I am a home person. =)

17 Again

17 AGAIN...How i wish i could be just like the character in the movie. But what i really meant was turn back to the time when i was seventeen. The reason lies within the thought is not due to feeling of regrets. That is the year where i really had a good time in my life so far.

When i was seventeen, life was simple...I wasn't the excellent student, but i am sure i was still in the good student category in teachers eyes. Haha... Trust me, i am not fooling anyone. Joined scouting very actively where i managed to know a bunch of friends who share the same interest with me. Went camping together, slept under the night sky on a piece of mat while watching at the shining stars above, we marched forward proudly, we sang, we laughed and we fall together. This is where i learned to be even more independent and discipline, while learned some useful skills in survival. Most importantly i managed to learned more about leadership of being a president, which will be very useful in the future.

When i was seventeen, on the day i get my SPM result the very first person i called was grandpa, who used to very concern of me. I wanted to make him feel proud of having a good grand daughter. That was the year where i received calls from grandpa quite frequently especially during sunday morning as he always wants to have a dimsum breakfast with us. I love to see his smile whenever reached grandpa house and called him "Gong Gong", which is one of the way of being respect whenever we saw grandparents and also uncles and unties.

When i was seventeen, i admit i was still being too innocent in love life, no doubt of saying so...haha...

When i was seventeen, i made mistakes, and i learned from each of them. When i was seventeen, i made my parents proud, even though might causes them worries once a while. I had good times and also bad times, sweet memories and also bitter ones. But i never regret of everything i done when i was seventeen as this is how i grown up and transformed my mind sad to be more mature.

figuring myself out

When we're getting older,the simpler life we're demanding.

Used to dream a lot and have our guts to do anything just to fulfill our desires.

Somehow when our age grows,we started losing our braveness and the guts we used to hold.

Sometimes we tend to stay unclear to certain matters in order make ourselves feel alright, because we hate to hear something which are undesirable to us.

I am putting half of my feet into the world of labor force, after 4 months more, I will part of the labor force.

It is time for me to figure my talents and my abilities, although I should figure it out early before this.

Unfortunately, until now I still can't even figure out what are the talents stay within me.

As I am sure everyone has something that he/she really good at, which this talent and ability on hand, put it and use at the right place, the person will definitely shine brightly and will able to climb the cliff faster than anybody else.